At some point in our life we’ve experience painful experience, too painful that merely recalling the experience will make you vomit or cause you an excessive anxiety. This is very true to me, I’ve experience this first hand.
Disclaimer: I’m writing this blog not to bring down any people or organization but to just express my feelings towards this issue. My opinions may not absolutely correct on this matter but I believe that expressing this may bring the light to the issue that we are very afraid to face. May this be a spark of courage to face the skeleton that we’ve buried deep inside our heart.
Time heals nothing
There is a famous saying that ” Time heals Everything “. But I beg to disagree with this, this saying may be partially true, but as a grow older I can say that “ Time heals nothing“. As I grow older, life seems to get harder, the problem is getting serious as I grow. As a kid I experience some petty problems but this can be easily solved by time. I will forget the problem and then life goes on and we’re okay again. This is not the case when we are adult, sometime the pain goes deep down in our heart that time do nothing. The feeling of betrayal, lies and other emotional pain can cause us to unknowingly internal pain because we did not process the situation correctly. Deep down in our hearts we are hurting and we want answers.
The pain of Betrayal and Lies
The betrayal is one of the worst pain that can be inflicted to us. This is because the perpetrator are not stranger but none other than the closest person that surrounds us. This is very real for me.
The context ( All of the names that will be dropped is fictitious, the organization will be redacted, dates is changed, but the context will be the same.)
Long long time ago, I was able to join this community/organization that is the time that I was actually my first time in Manila. So I was first year college. So there this certain young guy who is one of the “leader” in the organization. Happens to one of the “front-line” that is projected in the organization. He is subtly flexing that he is working in the tech giant company that he is earning this substantial amount of salary. ( He is clearly not bragging but in a subtle way flexing this). He even claimed to be one of the creators of the fastest processors today. At first I’m a little bit skeptical because I tried googling his name or works but I cannot find anything. I’ve concluded that maybe these company does not publish their creators due to the security reasons. I’ve believed the story because somehow the publicly back-up the story. Many stories about him had been fabricated. Like to good to be true, like I can say that he is a “role model”. In fact at some point I was really inspired to be good at my craft and to continue pursue on what I’m doing. (PM me for more details.. hehehehe)
To make the long story short, all of those are lies, all the flexing, the fancy gadgets, expensive cars were actually came from what he stole on the organization. I was actually stunned the first time I hear the confirmation. I was just shocked! I cannot the process the information at the moment. I don’t know what to react. I just shrugged off the information that I’ve just received. And after 1 day, I’m still processing the information and all of the missing gaps are actually making sense. But I was so bothered, on how he can do that! Like its very ironic!!! Like I’m thinking if he still had left any conscience! Like I felt betrayed! I want answers!. To tell you the truth straight three days I cannot sleep because of him.
I’ve prayed to the Lord why this happened? I was really disturbed! I cannot give enough context but this is a large scale Lying and Betrayal. Up to date he is one of the greatest Con-artist that I’ve known. For real!! He is very good at his job!And I felt that, Why I’m that stupid enough to believe him. Maybe because the story was backed-up by the organization and he is low-key flexing his wealth to prove that he has actually money and working on big tech corporation (his alibi is working on korea on weekdays and flying back in the Philippines on week-end). Every time I recall this, I cringe and I vomit to the lies. I’m very disgusted that at some point I associated on this person. To give you the much context we are under into his sub-leadership that’s why I know him personally and I’m directly affected. Call me stupid on this, I can accept that! That’s a fact.
I’m deeply hurt
It’s been a year since this incident happens, I thought that I’ve already moved on. I thought that time heals. I already surrendered this to the Lord. But, why everytime I came across on the post like youtube channel and reddit forum and people start exposing this guy, I felt disgust, anger and feeling to vomit. It really exposes the inner part of my heart that I’m not healing at all. Like I felt that all of this happened yesterday. The same disgust and anger I felt everytime I came across the post in reddit channel. And that I felt that I’m not alone on how I felt. Those people airing their sides also want answers and I think they are hurting.
The pain is not properly processed
After the incident, we’ve told not to post anything on the social media about this. As this may lead to trial by publicity. As in full silence in the entire organization. As in this person disappeared all of the sudden and now like he never existed in the first place. I understand that part. But no proper healing were taken place on the affected member, silence does not good at all. Because all the questions remain unanswered, no public statement, no anything about this. My opinion is, this should be tackled publicly because in the first place the lying and the deception were happened publicly.
There’s no healing without properly facing the truth. Facing the truth, is one major step in the process of healing. I cannot believe that after one year I still did not do the first part of the healing process. There’s deep wound that still lurking around.
Anyway, as of this writing I’m still processing and praying to Jesus to properly resolve this. That all my disgust and anger will be replaced with mercy and compassion. I think my next move is to talk properly to the right group of people to start the healing process.
Thank you. Bow